


I Catch Super Heroes, Not Feelings

by themyows



Category: LazyTown
Genre: M/M, at least for one of them, at least not yet, but you dont think you have any, developing feels, robbie why are you like this, sportarobbie all the way tho, what is this fic, when your friend catches feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:58:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themyows/pseuds/themyows
Summary: It’s all fun and games until someone catches feelings. Robbie learns this the hard way.





	

It wasn’t like he really hated the damn elf.

Sure, he could go without Sportaflop shoving those red monstrosities in his face. ( _“It’s just an apple, Robbie! It won’t bite you!”_ )

He definitely didn’t need to see the blue oaf constantly on the move, running, flipping, twirling in the air like some hyperactive acrobat. And really, how did that make him a hero? Just because he could perform feats that you could see in a circus? Although, okay, sure, _maybe_ he was really, _really_ strong. Maybe it was slightly impressive to see someone lift an entire pyramid, even if it was only for a few seconds. And alright, Robbie supposed it was somewhat astonishing for someone to run from one end of the town to the other in the time it took for him to slip off a tree, and then catch him mid-fall.

Robbie didn’t have that many friends. Those noisy brats didn’t really count because they were just children, and children trusted adults too much. They probably thought Robbie was soft underneath the grumpiness and dismissive demeanor, and therefore considered him a friend of sorts.

But in all honesty, the closest “friend” he had in town, as much as he was loath to admit it, was—well—

“Sportaflop.”

“Hi Robbie!” the blue oaf greeted him cheerily, cheeks tinged pink like always when they met up for these nightly visits. Sportacus wasted no time throwing his arms around Robbie’s neck and hauling him down for a deep, messy kiss.

Just the way Robbie liked it.

Smirking, Robbie tilted his face down so he could deepen the kiss, coaxing Sportanerd’s mouth open with his tongue. His hands traveled down to the elf’s pert buttcheeks, which were always covered in those sinfully tight blue pants.

Amazing.

Sportacus suddenly pulled away, and Robbie couldn’t help but chase those soft lips with a whine. The smaller man chuckled and humored him with another kiss, but again, withdrew before Robbie could finish enjoying it.

Huffing, the villain glowered at him. “Something wrong, Sportaweird?”

Sportacus just grinned. “Nothing at all…”

“Then get your Sporta _butt_ over here.”

As clothes were flung this way and that, Robbie wondered how lucky he was to have found this little outlet with Lazytown’s extremely attractive superhero. Who knew the elf was just as sexually frustrated as he was? Who knew he found Robbie just as appealing as Robbie found himself? (And Robbie _really_ found himself irresistible…)

They had a new game to play, and it involved nights of the most carnal of activities. It involved hands groping, lips clashing, teeth biting shoulders and necks, and burning heat that Robbie was absolutely addicted to, heat that he craved more than the most delicious of cakes.

In the daytime, they resumed their roles as Hero and Villain, Good vs. Bad. Sportacus went back to encouraging the brats to be active and drown themselves in fruits and vegetables, or “Sportscandy” as he liked to call them. Robbie remained in his lair, sleeping and eating sweets. Sometimes he’d yell at the children through his periscope, but he would also come up, usually disguised as someone else, to try to prevent them from moving and making so much damn noise.

Something would go wrong, usually on Robbie’s end (but that _wasn’t_ his fault at all) and Sportadweeb would come and clean up the chaos. Then the children would cheer and resume playing, and Robbie would return to his home to assess the damage of the day. Then he would wait for the sun to set, for the kids to finally go home. Only then would the elf hop into his lair without warning, and they would resume the game once again.

That was how it was supposed to be, anyway.

But of course, as with any game, there were winners and losers.

In this game, Robbie learned, there was no way to win.

* * *

One day, Robbie was just minding his business, trying to take an honest nap on a park bench. He’d normally nap in the lair, but it was currently in the process of being cleaned by some helpful Tidybots (patent pending) due to an unfortunate cake incident. As he was doing so, he couldn’t help but feel as though somebody was watching him, and sure enough, when he opened his eyes, Sportacreep was right there, hovering over his face.

With a yelp, Robbie sat up, clutching his pillow to his chest. “Do you _mind_?!”

Looking sheepish, Sportacus merely raised his hands up in defense. “I’m sorry, Robbie! Just wanted to say hello.”

“Okay, you said hello. Now go away.” Robbie muttered, already face down on the bench. The sportself laughed and shook his head at the man’s antics.

“I’ll see you tonight then, my love.” With a fond gaze that Robbie couldn’t see, Sportacus quickly made his exit, flipping through the playground and over the park gates.

Robbie was about three seconds away from falling back asleep when he sat up, horrified. “…my _love_?”

What in the hell was that about?

It happened again that night when they were in the lair.

Sportacus, clad only in his underwear, was deftly removing Robbie’s pants. The self-proclaimed villain was rather lazily leaning against the work table, watching the other male in a haze of lust. Pants finally off, Robbie let out a shuddering breath as the elf fell gracefully to his knees. Before sliding Robbie’s boxers off, Sportacus grinned up at him with a goofy look on his face. Flustered at the wonder in his eyes, Robbie growled.

"What? Is there something on my face?”

Sportacus only smiled wider. “You’re so handsome when you’re annoyed, my Robbie.”

_My Robbie…_

Now, that was worrying. Robbie wasn’t his. Robbie wasn’t _anyone’s_. The fact that Sportaflop thought otherwise definitely warranted some sort of objection on Robbie’s part, but the elf had pulled his boxers all the way down and Robbie honestly forgot about everything else.

In fact, Robbie had forgotten about the entire thing until the moron’s crystal went off in the middle of the night. They had been sound asleep on Robbie’s rarely used bed when Sportacus suddenly hopped to his feet. He quickly bolted out of the room to where their clothes were scattered on the floor before running back in to kiss Robbie soundly on the lips.

“I’ll be back in a bit, darling. I love you!”

Then he was up and out, and Robbie was left staring at the dark ceiling in horror.

* * *

_I love you._

_I love you…_

_I love you!_

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN ‘I LOVE YOU’?!” Robbie screamed in his lair, kicking a chair in frustration. But as someone who barely moved except to get more food, and whose diet consisted of sugar in different forms, particularly cake, the chair remained standing firm, and Robbie, clutching his throbbing foot in pain, fell to the ground with a thud.

“This cannot be happening…” Robbie groaned, still on the cold floor. He couldn’t move. He didn’t want to move. Not with this new…revelation just hanging over him.

Last night, Sportacus said he loved him.

Sportacus.

Said.

He loved him.

He loved _Robbie_.

Sportacus _loved_ Robbie.

“That damn elf…”

Not that Robbie could blame him. Robbie was such a catch, after all. He was smart, handsome, tall, had _excellent_ fashion sense. Who wouldn’t love him?

While it did seem odd that the town hero would fall for the local villain, it also wasn’t much of a surprise considering what they had been doing in the dark for the past month. But then again, they only ever spent time together to have sex. Other than that, their interactions were few and far between. Robbie only  _sometimes_ left the lair to tell the kids off, but most of the time he let them be because he couldn’t be bothered to move. Those were the rare moments Sportacus saw him in the daytime… and in clothes.

And Robbie… Robbie didn’t think he loved Sportacus like that. They didn’t go out on dates, didn’t share intimate non-sexual moments that people who were in love did. They couldn’t be in love. Not when their relationship mainly consisted of sex and sometimes bantering in front of children that weren’t theirs.

Robbie sighed.

This was going to complicate things, he knew. Love made everything messy. They would either have to stop this amazing arrangement they had going on, or Robbie would have to take it a step forward. And honestly, it wasn’t like the idea of being with Sportacus was appalling or anything. The elf was attractive. He was amazing in bed and the things he could do with his tongue made Robbie lightheaded just thinking about them. He just never considered the idea of the two of them becoming a couple.

Couples were disgusting.

They held hands and kissed for no reason other than to kiss. They called each other stupid nicknames and said “I love you” at least once every five minutes. They cuddled without it leading to sex, and made more eye-contact than was necessary. They spent all their time together and did things as a single unit.

Robbie would have to endure all that for Sportaflop, because that was probably what the elf wanted. And if he couldn’t, then no doubt Sportacus would want to end what they had, and Robbie was not about to give nightly mind-blowing sex up for anything.

Which meant only one thing.

One way or another, he would have to fall in love with Sportacus.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be... something. I just thought it would be funny to post my first sportarobbie fic on April Fools Day... because this fic is a joke and so is my writing. I meant for this to be like a one-shot but here we are.


End file.
